Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
