I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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