Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
