she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
