i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
