dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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