I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need a beard to bite.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
