I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
