Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
