Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize