Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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