Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
