lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They are going to name an STD after you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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