Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
