she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
