Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
