do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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