i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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