I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
