I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
