Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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