Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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