NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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