Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
