party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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