too bad you live with your parents still
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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