I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
