"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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