I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
