so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize