Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
