you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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