I think my vagina is haunted
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
