Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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