I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
