Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
