the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize