K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
