sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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