shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
