I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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