This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
