oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
