evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
