I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
