yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
