what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
