alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
