They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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