its not stalking. its research.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Every concussion has its silver lining
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
