I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
