you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
