Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
