im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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