I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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