This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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