I need help removing her.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
