I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
