Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dick very happy bro
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
