mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
