those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Life is so much better after having sex.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
