U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
