My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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