Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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