i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
