Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
