So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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