Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
