On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize