Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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