Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
