South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
