If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
