Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
