Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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