the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
