I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
