So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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