Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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